Gandhi once said, "A man is but the product of his thoughts. What he thinks, he becomes." While I may or may not believe in the Tarot, I do believe this saying is true. I have lived it. I have experienced it. So, for someone to sit across from me at a cozy card table embellished with silk and crystals, telling me I'm going to have a good year, I want it so badly to be true, I believe it with all my heart.
When I had my reading done the other day, one of the points the reader touched upon was taking risks. She told me this was going to be a good year for that, and basically gave me permission to take chances. Starting this blog was a great risk for me. Exposing my feelings, my past, my true self was something I never thought I'd be able to do since I always feared the judgement of others. Lately, I haven't been caring as much. Every day I see people who go to great lengths to hide their authenticity, and I see how miserable they are as a product of this. I don't want to be like that. I want to be able to stand up and say, hey world, this is me, and if you don't like it, the hell with you. I'm almost there. Not quite, but almost.
Another theme that came up for me was building confidence and doing what is right for myself instead of others. I need to learn to say no. I will admit it, I can be a martyr at times. I find it nearly impossible to say no, even though my gut is telling me otherwise. The psychic advised that once I build enough confidence in myself all the opinions of others will suddenly melt away and this will bring great joy into my life.
This theory was already tested out on me in the very first week of the year. Back in December, I had a friend ask for a favor. She wanted me to do a write up on one of her clients for the website. My site is primarily on health and wellness. Her client's occupation has nothing to do with this subject matter, but I told her I'd find a way to fit it in. After all, I owed it to her.
I had scheduled a telephone interview with my friend's client the week before Christmas. After rearranging my schedule to accommadate hers, I called at the appointed time, only to be told she was busy getting dressed and to speak to her marketing manager. When I said that wouldn't be acceptable, I was told she would call me back when she had time. The woman called back forty minutes later with no apology, no explaination, leaving a curt message saying, "I'm here now if you want to call me back." I didn't.
I was prodded several times since by my friend to reschedule the interview. Her client really needed the publicity. I owed her this favor and didn't want to put our friendship at risk because of this. But my gut told me otherwise. I couldn't in good conscience recommend to my readers someone I had a bad experience with, someone I thought to be rude and entitled. I heard the psychic's soft voice in the back of my mind advising me to stand up for myself, to have the confidence to do what I thought was right instead of what others expect of me. I heard her voice telling me to take a risk. So I said no to my friend, telling her her client wouldn't be a good fit for my site.
I'm breathing a little easier today because of this, even though I haven't heard back from my friend. And that's fine. Thinking back on it all, I should have said no from the beginning, but I needed that voice of assurance, I needed the affirmation of the psychic to tell me it was okay to do what was right for me instead of what was expected.
I don't know if things would have turned out otherwise if I hadn't had my cards read. I don't know if I would have had the courage and confidence to put my friendship at risk by turning down her client. We all need that voice of verification in the back of our minds, whether it's a tarot reader, a therapist, or a trusted friend. Sometimes, listening to our own inner voice isn't enough.
There were several other encouraging things foretold in my future, things I have firmly fixed in the back of my mind and I trust they will manifest in due time. I used to greet each year with a pessimistic stance, and the years past would eventually unfold in the way I envisioned them. Now that I am beaming with anticipation for the months to come, thanks to the gems planted in my conscious by a very wise woman, I have no doubt this is going to be a very good year. And in the spring, I am to be with the man of my dreams. So, we shall see.